I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE- QUICK!

I am going stir crazy today. I have woken up realising I don't GIVE A FLYING FUCK about most things. God life should be more than this, if this is it I feel massively cheated and would like to have a word with the manager- possibly get my money back and spend it on something else, like liquorice or a life size rubrics cube. I need to do something new and different so here I open the floor to you my little pocket people- this is your chance to play god. What should I do to make my life mildly more interesting? You suggest and then we are going to choose the best and have a final vote. Photography course, volunteering, changing jobs? you name it.......

One more thought: In view of my recent disastrous romantic adventure I have clearly spotted a design flaw in humans and human relationships. Basically, nature is meant to be efficient, yet 70% (at least) of love is un- reciprocated! This means that millions of humans are wasting time and energy moping over lost love instead of employing that time in a more practical manner. Look at the amount of songs, paintings, poems and other stuff which has been done my disgruntled lovers! All energy that could have gone into ending world poverty, curing cancer and improving the state of humanity! For this reason I have come up with TOP 5 Ways to make relationships easier:

1. COURTSHIP DANCE: much like in the animal kingdom- when a man sees a woman he likes (or a man- let's be pc) he will do an elaborate courtship dance to which she can respond or not. Nice and simple- no chit chat, no mind games and no head fucks. I can picture it ... white van man- stopping over at a traffic light and instead of whistling he hops off and starts flapping his arms and stamping his feet exhibiting is beer belly by shaking it in the air. Bliss...

2.THE HUNT: as in the cave men times in order for girls to get boys they have to physically catch them. One the boy is caught he is hers forever. Just imagine herds of boys running free with pin stripe suited female bankers chasing them. The girls would eventually organize themselves in hunting packs, or even devise traps! A hole in the ground covered in grass with a cold beer and porn on it to attract the naive victim. I can just picture the boys carefully leaving buildings in groups to distract the hungry hunters. And think of the spin off benefits- people would be much fitter!

3. CALLING IT: this is a bit of a lazy option- but simple is usually good, and this is as simple as it sounds. You see a person you like you call it- the person is yours. The only catch is you need ti be sure because you can only call it once! Imagine the anticipation not knowing if you should wait and see if something better comes by or if you should call it because someone else may.

4. THE NUMBER: at birth you are all assigned a number and you just need to find the person with the matching number. Only 2 of the same number in the world. So you will need to use all your brain to find the person. It would be brilliant- imagine all people going on these massively romantic search adventures to find your "the one". The epic journeys would increase your desire for the person- unless they live next door obviously.

5. PHRORMONES- it's a bit of a variation on the calling it- I must admit but basically the minute you fall in love with someone you release these phereormones which lock on to the receptors on the object of your love (or obsession in my case) and they automatically fall for you! Genius! This is how it's suppose to work (this is in case God/the matrix reads this blog).

Finally, back to the purpose of this blog: WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT.... make it viable VOTE NOW!!!!!!